Touch Breasts

A slimy fellow proposed a one dollar bar bet to a full figured girl. Despite her dress being buttoned to the neck, he could touch her breasts without touching her clothes. Since this didn't seem remotely possible, she was intrigued and accepted the bet. He stepped up, cupped his hands around her breasts and squeezed firmly. With a baffled look, she said, "Hey, you touched my clothes" and he replied, "Okay. I owe you a dollar." Read more!

Keep off the Grass

A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker mohawk, sporting a variety oftattoos and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely nude they noticed her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, ‘Keep off the grass.’ Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing, which said, ‘Sorry, had to mow the lawn.’ Read more!

Birthday Present To A Husband

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?” His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh, no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.” When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,”How did she know that you drink Budweiser?” “She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.” A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says “Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?” Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.” Read more!

Sexual Performance Problem

A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, "Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?" "Oh, that's not a problem for us men anymore!" announces a proud physician, "They just came out with this new wonder drug that does the trick! You take some pills, and your problems are history." So the doctor gives the man a prescription and sends him on his merry way. A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his patient on the street. "Doctor, Doctor!" exclaims the man excitedly, "I've got to thank you! This drug is a miracle! It's wonderful! I've had sex fourteen times in eight days!" "Well, I'm glad to hear that" says the pleased physician, "What does your wife think about it?" "Wife?" asks the man, "I haven't even been home yet!" Read more!

Newly Wed Seniors

The newly wed seniors were having sexual problems. The counselor thought it might be due to the fact that the woman was taller. He suggested special shoes with built-up heels to help the man's ego. The next month, he asked if things had improved in their love life with the shoes. "Well yes..." the woman replied, "but those shoes get the sheets so dirty." Read more!

Another Woman

One night, an 87 year-old woman came home from playing bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th-floor apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in defense of herself. "Well, your honor," she began coolly, "I figured that at 92 . . . if he could fuck, he could fly." Read more!